Music-A Form Of Expression When We Can't Say All That We Want To

Music is capable of soothing the soul, inspiring us to dance, filling the heart with joy, and saying the things we're unable to say. I love music that makes me feel something, and this video, "Only One" by Alex Band, is a song that does just that. The music is beautiful and the lyrics drew me in the first time I heard them.

Alex Band, "Only One"

My eyes are painted red, the canvas of my soul. We're slowly breaking down again. Today I heard the news, the story's gettin' old. When will we see the end of the days we bleed for what we need to forgive, forget, move on. 'Cause we got one life to live, one love to give, one chance to keep from fallin'. One heart to break, one soul to take us, not forsake us. Only one. Only one.

The writing's on the wall, those who came before left pictures frozen still in time. You say you want it all, but whose side you fightin' for? I sit and wonder why there are nights we sleep when others, they weep with regret. We bend, be strong 'cause we got one life to live, one love to give, one chance to keep from fallin'. One heart to break, one soul to take us, not forsake us. Only one. Only one. Just you and I under one sky.

Upside Down and Inside Out

Bad things happen. People leave. You don't always get what you want. People can be mean. You fall apart. You watch the world move on without you. You wonder "Why?". Life is full of so many twists and turns and no matter what we do to prepare, we can never be completely ready for what happens. Today taught me that some things can't be fixed and are better left broken. But what do you do when the thing that's broken is something as significant as, say, your family?

A year ago my sister Alyssa eloped on the Strip with someone my family didn't like. This person had been a friend of mine at one point and is significantly older than my little sister. Through the years that I have known him, I learned of the person that he is. Our friendship faded because he was not the kind of person I wanted in my life. He made me uncomfortable and when Alyssa started dating him, I begged her not to. Despite the protests of my parents, myself, and the rest of my siblings, Alyssa packed up her things and left home May 8, 2009 while my family was out of the house. She left a note as an explanation and cut us off to be with someone none of us liked, turning my family upside down.

My family spent the past year trying to put itself back together. It was difficult. There was hurt and anger; embarrassment and disbelief. Then, just a couple weeks ago, Alyssa decided to come back. It was like everything had been turned inside out again. Suddenly we had to pretend like nothing had happened. Everything revolved around them because my mother was so happy to have her daughter back. My sister's birthday party, my birthday party, everything my family did was all about them. My siblings and I have had to walk on eggshells because if Josh and Alyssa left again it would be "our fault". This is no way to live and tonight I finally had enough of the dysfunctional pretending.

World War III won't hold a candle to the fight that exploded at the dinner table in my parents' home. The arrogant, selfish, scumbag that my sister married sat in the home I grew up in and spewed such incredible bs, accusing me of things that were so beyond true, that all I could do was get up from the kitchen table and walk out the front door. I don't know where to go from here but I do know that I want nothing to do with the current situation.

How do you mend something that is unmendable. How do you stomache being around someone who makes your skin crawl? How do you stop the tears that come with knowing that your family is divided and your mother won't take your side? How do you move past the pain and hurt caused by people who care only about themselves, think they know everything about everything (including you), and have a disguting sense of entitlement?

My entire life my mother has thrown "family loyalty" in my face. If I didn't do what my mother wanted, I didn't have family loyalty. As I sat at the table tonight, being pushed beyond my limit, all I could think was "Where's the loyalty now?".

Lessons Learned

In the past few years I have fallen, picked myself up, dusted myself off, and started to climb again only to fall once more. I have repeated this process more times than I care to count and each time I have fallen I have prayed to my Heavenly Father that picking myself up would be easier than it was the time before. I have made some good decisions but I have also made some poor ones and have paid dearly for them. Somewhere along the way I lost my faith and was convinced that I could run my life by myself (without guidance from the Lord) then was floored by the disappointments I faced. Here are a few of the lessons I've learned this year:

1. You can't make someone love and value you if they don't love and value themselves.
2. You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.
3. Pride is the death sentence of all relationship.
4. You should never be with a person who makes you cry more than they make you smile.
5. There are people that you will never be able to please; it's not your fault, these people are at such odds with themselves that nothing you do or say will ever be good enough.
6. Addictions are like cancer, they infect and destroy everything they touch.
7. People who don't trust themselves will never be able to trust you. Once again, this is not your fault.

Perfection

As I was looking for something in the container where I keep all of my creative writing, I came across something rather interesting. I happened to stumble upon my "List". When I was sixteen, some friends and I sat down and created our "Perfect Man". We each put together a list of all of the qualities (physical attributes included) that the man we were going to marry would possess. Because at sixteen, we were all going to marry the man of our dreams. I read over my "List" several times then sat for a moment or two just staring at the words that I had so desperately hoped would one day be embodied in my version of perfection. Who is this perfect man you ask? Let me describe him to you (in no particular order)...

Educated (College Degree)
Smart (which in fact is different than educated)
6'0" or taller
Blonde Hair
Blue Eyes
Older than me (I have this hang up with wanting to feel like I'm in a relationship with a man and not raising a little boy)
Medium build/Fit but not too fit
WittyPlayful (but knows when to be serious)
Can out talk me (a man that is smarter than me and eloquent enough to talk me in circles is the most attractive man I could ever meet)
Challenges me both mentally and physically
Sacrcastic (but not mean)
CharmingGood sense of humor (can make me laugh when I want to cry)
Southern/ "Country Boy"
Can cook/will cook with me
Drives a truck
Likes to go out but also enjoys staying in with a movie
Likes Country music
Likes to dance/will take me dancing
Will dance with me in the rain
Sings
Likes History (Would go with me to a museum just as quick as he would go to a football game.)
Likes the outdoors (camping, hiking, rock climbing, and sports of course)
Cultured (enjoys art, music, and theater)
Romantic (but not overly sappy)
Military (Preferrably Air Force) Integrity is sexy!
Motivated
Ambitious
Successful
Passionate (about life, things that are important to him, his convictions)
Speaks a foreign language
Hard worker
Likes Sushi, Indian, and Thai food
Banters with me (Bu doesn't constantly correct me/need to be right)
Spontanious (but also reliable)
Honest (I can't stand being lied to)
Strong but gentle
Affectionate
Kind
Wants kids/Will make a good father
Adventurous
Likes to travel
Kinda nerdy but has the "cool factor" (referring to his style and the way he presents himself in public. Yes, I like a certain dress style on a guy)
Honors his Priesthood.
Doesn't Drink
My Best Friend
Adores me as much as I adore him

As you can see from my "List", at sixteen I knew exactly what I wanted...a man that I was told didn't exist. I was told that it would be impossible to find a single person that possessed every quality on my list, and so far that has been the case...but as impossible as I was told finding this man would be, I have come within 98% with the potential for the other 2% and though there were moments that came close, it was less than perfect.

A list of qualities doesn't make someone good for you. As time has gone by and I have moved on from the person I thought was "everything I ever wanted", I have come to realize that he was so far from what I was looking for that it amazes me that I couldn't see it. I was too focused on my list of "perfection".

Maybe we're not supposed to seek perfection. Maybe we're just supposed to try to find someone that we can be happy with regardless of the color of their eyes, their taste in music, the job they have, the vehicle they drive, or where they were raised. And maybe, when we've done away with our blueprint for "everything we have ever wanted" we will actually find our version of perfection...

Pick Up Lines. Do They Really Work?

I can't tell you how many times I've rolled my eyes at cheesy pick-up lines. Sorry guys, they don't really work. A "good" i.e. creative pick-up line may be a good way to "break the ice" but those are rare. Women want sincerity. Feeding us lines will only get you so far. After that we become bored and start looking for something with substance. If you see a girl that you really want to talk to, take a step back and observe. You're in the same place so you must have at least one thing in common. Capitalize on that and start talking to her about it. After you've initiated conversation, take it and run with it.

We want to know that you find us interesting, not that you're looking for your next hook-up. Most women like to connect on an intellectual level as well as the physical. We want to be more than just a pretty face to you. At the same time we also want to know that you find us attractive. Its all about finding a good balance.

Being real with us is the key. Yes, we enjoy being flattered and complimented but words do very little for us if you're not behind them. A woman can tell if you're just feeding her a line or if you genuinely mean what you're saying. One of the biggest turn-offs is a guy who talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk.

Women want a man that is sincere and is real. The best thing you can do is be yourself. If you find yourself having to pretend to be something that you're not to impress a girl, she's not the girl for you. Who you are is going to be great for someone, you just have to find the right one. Being honest with yourself and with the girl you're dating is very important. You will get tired of having to act a certain way if its not what comes naturally to you and then you're faced with a bigger problem. You won't be the same guy the girl you're dating originally fell for.

It is very important to make sure that your words match your actions. We place more value on what you do and how you treat us than on what you say.

You Want To Land That 2nd Date?

Okay, you've met a girl that you really like, you ask her out and she says yes, way to go! Now, in this situation you may not even be thinking about a second date because you're still completely stoked by the fact that you have the first date penciled into your day planner. Be careful. The easiest way to ensure you won't get a second date is if you botch the first date. Sometimes a first date is all you want after going out with a girl, but for the purpose of this blog we'll go on the premise that she's amazing and is everything you want in a woman. A first impression may be the only impression you have the opportunity to make. It will be the foundation of a person's opinions and feelings about you just as the first date will be the foundation of any potential relationship. You may only get one shot so make it count gentlemen.

The first date is crucial, so everything you do on the first date will be just as significant. The worst thing you can do on a first date is take her to do something that limits your ability to get to know each other. A movie can be a good date... on the third or fourth date. In order for us to want to go out with you again, we need the opportunity to get to know you. You can't talk in a movie theater. Dinner is always a good choice, unless of course she doesn't eat, in which case I'd highly recommend dating someone else. Dinner conversation can be an excellent way to learn about each other. You don't even have to take us out to an expensive restaurant. If you can cook, what better way to impress your date than to show off your culinary skills? A man that can cook is attractive; a man that cooks for us is even better. Cooking dinner together can be an award winning date. You really get to know someone when you're cooking in the kitchen together, and you have a lot of fun.

Doing your homework before your first date can be a sure fire way of guaranteeing a good time. If you can find out what some of her interests are you can plan a date that can't fail, unless there just isn't any chemistry between the two of you. (If this is the case I can't really help you, sorry!) If your date likes astronomy, take her stargazing. If you and your date have some of the same interests its a good idea to start there. That way you're both sure to enjoy the date. If you're both into sports take her to a baseball game or go play tennis or sand volleyball together. A thoughtful and creative first date will lead to a second date 99% of the time.

The worst thing you can do on a first date is to show up without a plan. Make sure that when you pick your date up you know exactly what you're going to be doing that evening. It looks really bad to sit in the drive way asking the girl to come up with the game plan for the night. An exception to this would be to come up with a couple different options for the evening and let her choose. Just make sure you've put thought into the date, she'll be able to tell.

The girl you're taking out is going to be paying attention to even the smallest detail of your date. It's going to make a difference if you open her doors for her or if you make her open them herself. Women are all very capable of opening our own doors but when a man opens our door for us it shows that he has a level of respect for us. Go to the door to get her, never, I repeat, never call her from your car and expect her to come out. If you don't respect her or care enough to get out of your car and go to the door, then you have no business taking her out. Open her car door when she gets in and if you're looking to really show the gentleman in you, open it when she gets out. Some girls won't wait for a guy to open the door so they can get out of the car so you need to either be very quick or you need to let her know that you expect the chance to be a gentleman. This applies to all doors. Some girls won't go out again with a guy that doesn't open doors for her. Remember, we want to be respected.

So, you've reached the end of your first date with this amazing girl and you're dieing to take her out again. Be careful. You can screw up a good thing at the very end. When you take your date home, don't pull up to the house and drop her off. Walk her to her door. Like I said, your date will be paying attention to every detail. We as women tend to file away every little thing about a date to our memory and spend hours mulling over it trying to figure out what each comment, gesture, and touch really meant.

If you take the time to plan a first date that is fun and creative and show her the respect she deserves, I can promise you that landing that second date shouldn't be a problem for you.

The Female Rules

Lately I've been hearing that Women are complicated. Well, Gentlemen, I'm about to let you in on one of our best kept secrets. We aren't as complicated as you think. I know it's hard to believe, but please try to. Yes, I know that Women are one of life's great mysteries. Some Men will never understand us, but trust me, there is hope. Once you've learned the secret to Women, you'll know how to approach pretty much any situation.

There is a set of rules called The Female Rules that every Woman knows and expects the Man to follow. Unfortunatley, we never share them with the Man but expect him to follow them anyway. As a Woman, I shouldn't be sharing these with you, (it's against the rules) but I think everyone would benefit from men knowing The Femal Rules.

The Female Rules:

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is becasue of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the Female's mind at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. I If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.

16. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #6.

See, not complicated at all. =) Okay, all joking aside. Let's get serious.

Women haven't changed much through the years. We have become more out spoken and independent, and yes, we are capable of taking care of ourselves, but for the most part we still want the same things we've always wanted. As women, we want to be respected, loved, treated well, and appreciated. There was a time when men would fight to the death to defend a woman's honor and these days it's hard to find a guy that will even open our car door for us. We are all capable of opening our own doors (as those of you who don't open them for us have clearly seen) but something as simple as a guy opening our door shows that you have a level of respect for us. We take note of everything from the way you ask us out to the goodbye at the end of the date. Everything you say or do is filed away in our memory to be mulled over for hours as we try to figure what each comment, gesture, or touch really meant. As confusing as you may think we are, we find you just as confusing.

If you're interested in a girl, it's important to let her know you're interested. One of the things that frustrates us girls most is that guys don't ask girls out anymore. As much as we enjoy "hanging out" with you, we'd rather be dating. Another important thing to remember gentlemen, is that we want to be appreciated. Some guys complain that girls take too long to get ready. What they don't realize is that we take that much time because we want to look our best for you. That's right guys, you're the reason it takes a girl an hour to get ready to go out. Let us know that we're noticed and that you think we look nice.