Playing Catch Up...Again.

Okay. So, clearly I didn't learn from having to play catch up 3 months ago. Life continued to be crazy hectic with school and planning a wedding. I went through the Temple for the fist time on March 19th. It was such an amazing experience! My family, several close family friends, and

most of Michael's family were there. As soon as the session where I received my endowments

was over my family went into the Sealing room and witnessed my baby sister Mia being sealed to my parents. What an amazing, spiritually uplifting day!

On March 26th, my family, Michael's family, and our closest friends traveled to Manti to be part of one of the most important moments of mine and Michael's lives. We both finally got our dream of being married in the Manti Temple.

On April 16th we had our reception in Vegas. (Pictures to come) A week later we boarded an airplane for Miami. Michael and I spent a day in Florida then boarded the Norwegian Sky, the most amazing cruise ship I've ever seen. We spent 4 days in the Bahamas! The honeymoon story will be covered in a separate post once we find the memory card containing all the pictures. I like to blame Michael for misplacing it but, in all honesty, I have absolutely no idea how it managed to make its way out of the camera.

The highlight of May was the end of the Spring semester. Despite planning a wedding, losing my condo in February, having to move, and dealing with 2 deaths in my family, I managed straight A's! I was rather proud of myself when I saw my final grades.

Another great experience was going through the Las Vegas Temple with my brother Brian as he prepares to serve a mission. Tomorrow Michael and I get to take Brian to the MTC! Tacoma, WA gets my brother for the next 2 years. :)

We're making our way into June. Michael is working (ridiculous amounts of hours) and getting ready to start school in a couple weeks. He's looking forward to joining the AFROTC detachment at BYU in the Fall and I'm excited to graduate with a double major in History and Communication in the Spring. After I graduate, it's off to the Air Force Reserves for me! So excited!!!

The year is almost half over. Hopefully the next 6 months will be exciting and full of happiness to make up for the emotional roller coaster the first half has been. Luckily, I married a kind and loving man who makes me laugh every day. :)

I love my husband! :D

Playing Catch Up

So much has happened since December. Life seems to have gotten away from me so I'll only take a moment to briefly overview the past 3 months. Everyone who knows me knows that I never go anywhere or do anything worth doing without my camera so I can share all the picturie goodness with you. Here's what's been happening:

The Det picture for Fall 2010. Det 004 has never looked so good. :)

Our first date was November 8th. To celebrate our 1 month anniversary, Michael and I went to Town Square for dinner. After dinner we walked around and enjoyed the beautiful Christmas decorations. I almost froze. Vegas can get wicked cold in the winter.

Michael and I spent most of Christmas Eve day with his family in celebration of his birthday. That's right, Michael's birthday is Dec. 24th. Coolest birthday ever; with the exception of my own of course.

We spent the last part of Christmas Eve at my sister Lauren's house. I think my parents are under the impression that she's the only one of us kids who is capable of hosting a holiday dinner...Maybe one day when I'm all grown up and married with 5 kids of my own my parents might see me as an adult. One can only hope.

My family spent New Year's at Disneyland and Michael tagged along. :) While at Disneyland I mentioned how gorgeous the castle looked and that it would be an excellent place to propose. I'm not sure if I was hinting or simply making an observation but, either way, Michael was kind enough to "practice" so I could experience being proposed to in front of the castle.

I think my family likes Michael more than they like me and would trade us if his family was willing to give him up. Luckily, his family loves him just as much as mine does so we come as a package deal. :)

On January 6th, just 2 days shy of our 2 month mark, I opened my door to find a castle with the picture of Michael "proposing" at Disneyland on my doorstep. Michael dropped down to one knee and asked me to marry him. As you can tell by his happy expression and thumbs-up, I said yes.

:)

Once Michael and I decided to get married, the fun of planning a wedding began. Here are just a few of our engagement pictures.

Despite the joy of finally finding my Eternal Companion, this year has been extremely difficult and painful for my family. At the end of January my Aunt Terry passed away from cancer.

My Grandpa Jack was diagnosed with cancer the week of Christmas. His doctor found a tumor on the left side of his face and the back of his neck. Sadly, the doctor didn't think it necessary to look further. After 4 weeks of radiation on those 2 tumors, the other tumors on his spine (the ones the doctor didn't know about because he didn't care to look) had grown beyond control. 3 weeks after my Aunt Terry died, my Grandpa Jack passed away in my arms on February 24th. I miss him so much I can barely breathe sometimes.

With only 2 weeks left until Michael and I are sealed for time and all eternity in the Manti Temple, life is getting even more hectic than it's been the past few months. All I can do now is hope and pray that someday soon things will settle down and life will return to some bearable version of normal. As for now, I grieve for my family and the loss we have all experienced in such a short amount of time.

From The Mouths Of Babes

What Love means to a 4-8 year old .

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling...He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

I think we can all learn to love a little better. :)

Thanksgiving

For the past couple years, Thanksgiving and Christmas have been difficult for me. I got engaged the day before Thanksgiving 2007 and then un-engaged 2 weeks later. You could say that experience left a bad taste in my mouth for the holidays. This year, however, made up for the unhappy memories.

Michael and I had Thanksgiving lunch with my family then went to see Tangled, as is tradition. (My family always eats early then sees the newest release) After the movie, Michael and I booked it across town for Thanksgiving dinner with his family.

This year, Lauren hosted Thanksgiving dinner at her home. She did a wonderful job making an amazing meal. The food was fabulous and we all had a great time laughing, eating, and plotting our war path for the next morning. (Black Friday shopping!!)

My cousin Sara posted the instructions for these adorable turkeys on her cooking blog (OurBestBites.blogspot.com) and I thought my younger sisters and Michael's nephews and nieces would enjoy them.
Sydney loved helping me and Michael put the turkeys together!

Mia loved her first Thanksgiving! I love her so much! :D

Thanksgiving dinner is always very traditional with my family. We always have mashed potatoes, yams, my sister's amazing green bean casserole, my dad's famous stuffing, and my dad always carves the turkey. :)

Take Courage

The Fern and the Bamboo

One day I decided to quit...my job, my relationship, my spirituality.... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me.

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

"In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. The same in year four.

"Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.


"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high."

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest, realizing that God will never give up on me. And He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness; bad days give you experiences; both are essential to life.

--Author Unknown

Sneak Peek

As many of you know, I love to write. A dream of mine at one point was to write the next Great American Novel; a dream which has eluded me thus far. Life has the strange ability of getting in the way of our dreams if we don't continually pursue them. We must fight for our right to dream or we will simply become just another mediocre member of the masses. Our ability to dream sets us apart from the animals...Well, that and opposable thumbs...

That tangent aside, I have started writing again. Little bits and pieces here and there, moments, scenes that flash into my mind, and the start of a novel that I hope will be my first professionally published project. Here is a sneak peek at something I am currently working on. It is in it's original form; raw and unedited, but it is the most "real" of anything I have ever written.

____________________

Hate. It is such an ugly, vicious, awful word. However, it seemed to be the only one that fit. I knew this moment would come. That unpleasant twist of fate when our paths would cross and I would have to see him again. Living less than a mile and a half away from each other in the same small college town and going to the same school, I was surprised this moment had taken so long to arrive.

I saw him before he saw me. I avoided making eye contact, naively hoping that we would simply slip past each other like strangers on the street, continuing on with our lives as though we had never known one another. We continued to walk toward each other on the sidewalk along 9th street. The moment of recognition was impossible to miss. That loathsome, condescending smile I knew all too well played across his face. My stomach turned as I realized my hopes of simply slipping by unscathed were about to be shattered.

"How's it goin'?" he asked almost mockingly, grinning as though to dismiss all that had happened between us over the past year. I turned to shoulder my way past him without a word. "Wow...Really?...You really are something else. Whatever." came the anticipated comment on my actions. I mouthed the words to myself as he directed them to my back while I continued to walk away. I knew him too well. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, refusing to look back as he walked in the opposite direction. There was no fight in him when it came to me. Even when we were dating he would rather walk away than work out any issues we had. When I was so miserable and broken-hearted that I just couldn't take it anymore, he preferred to simply let me go rather than do what it took to make it work.

His voice at my side surprised me. Instead of shrugging me off and walking away, he had come after me. Not a typical "Jason" thing to do. "What's your problem?" he asked in his very typical "Jason" way. There was always something wrong with me. I always had a problem. I continued to walk, a step or two ahead of him. "Would you just stop for a second?" he demanded, grabbing my arm to ensure I obeyed his request. "Don't. Touch. Me." Venom dripped from each perfectly enunciated word as I turned and shoved him hard in the chest, forcing him to let go of my arm and back away from me. "What the crap, Anna?" Jason snarled. "What part of 'I don't want to know you anymore' don't you understand?" I fought to control the anger seeping in. "I just wanted to talk to you for a second, but obviously that's too much to ask." he retorted. "Unless the words 'I'm sorry for being a selfish, lying jerk for the past year and treating you like a worthless, broken burden and waste of my time' are about to come out of your mouth, don't bother wasting your breath or my time." I spat.

"Wow. You have issues." he said shaking his head. In the span of a second, a flood of remembered words flashed through my mind like an audio track. "You have issues.", "You're messed up, Anna.", "You're ridiculous.", "You're just a stuck up, cocky little girl who expects the world to worship the ground she walks on.", "You're just a spitfire.", "You're just difficult.", "You're too much like your mother and that's not okay.", "I'm sorry I'm not as good at being an asshole as you are.", "You're crazy.", "You're just not my cup of tea.". All the cutting, demeaning things Jason had said to me while we were dating, and after I finally said enough is enough, rushed back to me. I thought of the countless nights I cried myself to sleep over him while we were together and during the eight months since.

"Fine. I have issues. I'm messed up and crazy. I accept it. In fact, I embrace it and thank God for it, if only for the simple fact that my being so broken that my existence makes 'your life difficult, and requires so much energy from you that your brain screams at you to 'stay away', keeps you the hell away from me." I fumed. A year's worth of pain and disappointment started to bubble up from the place I had locked it all away. I couldn't remember ever hating someone as much as I hated Jason at that moment. I have never known anyone as mean, selfish, cold, and cruel as me ex. He made me feel worthless and broken, as though nothing I could ever do would be worthy of a comment as simple as "Good job." or "I'm proud of you.".

"You, of all people..." I started, choked on the anger bubbling up with my words, then tried again. "You are the last person in the world who should be telling anyone they have issues! You, a man so wrapped up and consumed by the most dangerous of all addictions that you are incapable of intimacy with another human being. How dare you look down on me as though I am the broken one!" I could feel myself shaking with rage. Jason looked at me in stunned silence. "I would erase you from my memory if I could." My voice elevated slightly as I took a step toward him. "If I could go back and make it as though I had never known you, I would. I was happy before you. For the first time in a year, I was finally happy again. I had finally found the courage to chase a dream that I had been too afraid to chase before and I loved my life. I was doing well in school, I was getting ready to transfer to BYU, and I loved being a Cadet. Then you came along, like a cancer or disease that infected every aspect of my life. I got the lowest GPA of my College career the semester I dated you. The constant arguing and drama, the hours of having the same discussion over and over again, completely destroyed my overall GPA and ability to transfer to BYU. You turned the thing I loved most, being a Cadet, into something that made me less deserving of being loved. Now, I'm not transferring to the Detachment here because I would rather not be an Officer than have anything good in my life be linked to you in any way. You tainted every good thing I had going for me. Who the hell were you to decide that I wanted all the wrong things and had all the wrong dreams? If I am so unbelievably broken, why did you even date me in the first place?" I was yelling. I had snapped.

I was finally letting go of all the pain and anger that had been bottled up. I took a deep breath and became aware of my surroundings. I had just torn Jason apart on the sidewalk of one of the busiest "foot traffic" streets in Provo. Now I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Jason and I stood staring at each other in silence. As the onlookers who had gathered tried to decide whether to stay or leave before I noticed them.

Jason's face held an expression I had never seen it wear before. Astonishment, like he was seeing me for the first time. I could have continued; the words were practically pouring from my mouth, but I was exhausted and he wasn't worth it. "You are the worst mistake I have ever made and I do not want to even know you anymore. There is nothing good in you for me. There is nothing left here for you to take or break. Leave me alone." I turned and walked away, leaving Jason standing, mouth slightly open, alone on the sidewalk.

______________

This is the first, first draft. Untouched, unedited, unaltered. It was written as I "saw" it play out in my mind. When I go through and make revisions, I'm sure the scene will change a little and it may even work better. Let me know what you think, but please be gentle.

45 Life Lessons

A friend of mine emailed this list to me. I liked it so much that I wanted to share it with everyone.

It is time for this one to go around again…her wisdom is great.

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio ..

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more":

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

#38 is my personal favorite. :)

Sharing The Love

My cousin Sara is amazing. She has a cooking blog (Our Best Bites) that some of you may have heard of. If you haven't checked it out, you need to. There are recipes for everything you could ever possible think to make and then some. You will find yourself wanting to cook or bake things you had never considered cooking or baking before.



Sara and her "co-blogger" Kate just competed in the Better Homes and Garden Blogger Cook-off. (That's how legit my cousin is.) They were invited to compete against 4 other bloggers nation wide...which means my cousin is recognized as one of the nation's leading food bloggers. (I want to be just like Sara when I grow up.)

If you enjoy cooking in the least, or even if you loathe cooking with a passion, check out Sara's blog and share the love with your friends and family. I promise you won't regret it. :)

Sometimes, Crying In The Shower Is All You Need

Life has a way of beating you up, tearing you down, and wearing you out. The past year has been a rough one and I'll be the first to admit that I probably could have handled some of the ups and downs a little better. In my defense, when your heart aches all the time and that feeling of emptiness just won't go away, the best way to handle a situation isn't always the first answer we turn to. Sometimes we do the first thing we can think of to make the pain go away. We cut people out of our lives, we make hasty decisions, we lose things that matter to us, and we grieve in our own way. For me, I pretend to be okay. I hold it together the best I can then fall apart in private...when I can...sometimes holding it together is more than you can handle.

I came across an article entitled "Breaking up: Tips to Get Over A Break Up or Romantic Loss" By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway. At first, the thought of crying as a way of healing seemed a little bit off to me. I mean, how does falling apart and becoming a sobbing mess help anything? Then it started to make some sense. Have you ever noticed how when life is particularly rough, all you want to do is cry? I've heard lots of people say that they feel so much better after having a good cry. Girls get together and make a full blown event of it.

I wanted to share the part of the article I found most interesting:

"There is only one way I know of to get to the other side of the pain...crying. There will be many times daily that you will have to hold it together and pretend you are fine, but for the sake of healing your broken heart, be sure to set aside time every day to cry like a baby! Here are a few ways to encourage crying out those healing tears:

1. Crying in the shower

The shower is like a temple to tears. It is already filled with water. It is refreshing, cleansing and revitalizing. The shower knows no difference between your tears and itself, so there is a blending of waters that is very healing.

2. Crying over Sad Movies

Rent the saddest movies you know and those you've heard about. Watch movies about breaking up and break downs in relationships. There is something oddly comforting in watching someone else going through what you are feeling. They act out your inner most agonies and fears; they feel tortured and restless, they find release and solace, they find resolution and healing.

3. Listen to Music that Makes You Cry Your Eyes Out

Another way to bring up some of the pain buried deep inside is through music. The sadness of Mary Magdalene hangs heavy in popular songs, such as, "If I could See You One More Time" from the Message in a Bottle sound track; "If I Could," performed by Barbara Streisand; and "My Heart Will Go On" hauntingly sung by Celine Dion.

Grieving the end of a relationship is a natural stepping-stone in healing a wounded heart. But be assured, at some point your grief and heartache will transform itself into surviving a broken heart, and ultimately with (some introspection and reflection) into transcending it. But for now, just let go and cry."
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After reading the article, I believe that it applies to any situation where heartbreak, disappointment, and loss are a factor. We all know that love isn't the only thing that hurts to lose. We grieve over failures, loss of family members, trials, and dozens of other heartbreak worthy situations.

It's been a particularly rough week and a couple days ago I found myself consumed by the grief of everything that has been going wrong. I woke up overwhelmed and distraught over the hand life has dealt me at this particular moment. The pain was excruciating and I found myself struggling to hold it together. I got into the shower to get ready for my day and as the hot water started to relax the tense muscles in my back, the tears started to flow. Tears of frustration, grief, love, fear, loneliness, stress, doubt, and a handful of other emotions that I had been suppressing. I cried over a boy who had treated me badly and let me down, leaving me feeling worthless. I cried over the disappointment of watching a dream slip through my fingers and all the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's". I cried over the fear of what the next couple months are going to bring with the loss of my condo and the uncertainty of how I was going to accomplish my goals. I cried over feeling alone and defeated.

The sudden rush of emotions was painful and consuming. My heart hurt, I felt cold despite the hot water, and I finally felt everything I had tried to avoid feeling. When all my tears had mixed with the water rushing down the drain and there was nothing left, a feeling of peace settled and hope that I would be okay filled the hole left by the pain I had washed away.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”~ Washington Irving

Lesson From A Dear Friend

Me

*Jason* bailed on me this weekend...again

2:02pmColin

What?

2:02pmMe

I was in Provo

We were supposed to get together

And he was supposed to go to Conference with me

He completely bailed on me

2:02pmColin

And you are attempting to hang out with him, why?

2:03pmMe

I told him I was done and he just said "Okay...it makes sense"

I deleted his phone number from my phone

He sent me a text saying "I'm sorry.."

I didn't respond and he made his status "I'm glad that's over..."

I may punch him when I see him in the detachment next semester

2:05pmColin

For you, associating with *Jason* is like getting burned, and it hurting you badly, yet still playing with fire because you like it even though the burns will only get worse.

So I am glad that you are throwing away the match book with his number written on it]

2:07pmMe

I have cried and cried and cried for 3 days

2:08pmColin

I have been wallowing in deep depression, stress and anxiety so you should know that misery loves company and you are in good company.

2:08pmMe

:(

I was a sobbing mess this morning

Emotional pain and I just don't get along

2:10pmColin

I am very sorry that you are so heart broken but you really need to just let him go. You deserve a MAN not a sissy little boy like *Jason*. You should have some one who loves you and adores you and will do anything and everything in their power to make sure that you never feel the way you did this morning or at anytime during this grieving period you have experienced for love lost.

2:13pmColin

I completely understand where you are coming from. I also don't handle negative emotions very well. I have a broken knuckle on my right hand that is now becoming severely arthritic due to my inability to cope with a rush of negative emtions in a correct way and punched something, snapping it like a twig and scarring my hand for life. I have cried with the best of them and wallowed in self pity until I nearly drowned myself in my own tears, but there comes a time when you just have to say "No More!"

2:14pmColin

I am not going to take this anymore, I am not going to be with some one or even around people that make me feel this way and I am going to pick myself up and dust myself off and gather what ever parts of me are broken and fix them.

2:16pmColin

I am going to build myself better, stronger, and faster than I was. I am going to laugh harder and love more. I am going to find myself and never let go of who I am and who I want to be. I am going to wash in the spirit if the Lord and remove all the ick that I have allowed to seep into my life and become the change in the world that I want to see.

2:19pmColin

Love is a many splended thing, but the opposite of Love is not HATE, it is indifference. When you love someone, you unknowingly and unwittingly allow them slight dominion over you. Their ideas and thoughts influence you in ways that no one else's will, so in effect the have control over you. So does Hate, it can do all the same things to a person that Love can just in the negative. When you Love someone, you will try to move mountains for them. When you hate them, you will try to move mountains on top of them.

2:21pmColin

Yet, when you become indifferent you are able to let go all the feelings you have, good and bad, and just be you again. You call the shot as to who you are and what you think. =You no longer are influenced by them or their actions because you just don't care who they are, what they think, who they hang out with or what they do. That is where you should strive to be.

2:23pmMe

As I sit here fighting the tears, all I can think is "Wow! Can I borrow that for my blog?"

lol

I'm such a dork

Mirrors

"Did you ever go out to the fun house to play and look at the mirrors?
They bend up your face and widen your waist and alter the shape of your hair.
In one place you're as huge as a hot hair balloon and another as thin as a stick.
At first you're as slim as a telephone pole and everywhere else you are thick.
Some people are mirrors reflecting to us an image we really are not.
If we think that those mirrors are telling the truth, we've been blinded to all that we've got.
Some say that we're onry or stupid or weird, some say that we're stuck up or fat.
But in others real view is a reflection of you that doesn't have any of that.
Who are the best mirrors that you and I have? Who gives a reflection that's true?
Who sees us for all that's hidden inside? Father in Heaven that's who.
You've also got teachers and parents and friends whose reflections are true and correct.
When Peers say you're homely or hotty or dumb, God says you're my child, you're elect.
So get out some paper and pick up a pen and write down what others may say,
Then turn over and fill it with things the Lord and Prophets convey.
On one side you'll have all that others have said, some are true, some are hard to conceive.
Then turn to God's side and ask yourself "Which side am I going to believe?"
~John Bytheway

Throughout our lives we are given all sorts of labels. These labels are given to us by people who may or may not know us well enough to make a judgment, but feel they have some sort of right to try to define us. In my short 25 years of life, I have received many different labels; some uplifting and encouraging, others painful and demeaning, and some completely contradictory. I have been labeled as smart, stupid, amazing, beautiful, difficult, fat, fun, soulless, the nicest person in the world, crazy, determined, spitfire, "hott", emotionless, compassionate, selfish, sweet, motivated, lazy, funny, independent, stubborn, gorgeous, talented, blunt, empathetic, evil, cold, delicious, stuck up, cocky, cute, wonderful, and the list goes on and on.

What we call each other becomes what we think of each other, and it matters. As children of God, we need to be careful not only how we try to define others, but also how we allow the opinions and labels of others to affect the way we view ourselves. In a world where we are constantly told what's wrong with us and that we're somehow lacking, we need to remember that these opinions hold no value. Our worth is not determined by how others view us.

In Max Lucado's "You Are Special", we are reminded that God's opinion of us is more important than the opinions of those around us. "You are special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."



We are all children of God, therefore we are each of incomprehensible worth. The world will beat us up. People we love will say hurtful things. People we've never met will pass judgment based solely on our appearance. We need to make sure that we reflect the truth when dealing with others. Are you a fun house mirror that distorts the reflections of those who look to you, making it difficult for them to see who they are? Or are you a true mirror, someone who shows others who they truly are and allows them to see themselves the way our Heavenly Father sees them?

I Knew What You Were When I Picked You Up

We all do things we know we shouldn't, then wonder why we suffer so much when the consequences follow.


But You Promised!
As Told By Iron Eyes Cody

Many years ago Indian braves would go away in solitude to prepare for manhood. One hiked into a beautiful valley, green with trees and bright with flowers. There as he looked up at the surrounding mountains, he noticed a rugged peak capped with dazzling snow.

"I will test myself against that mountain," he thought. He put on his buffalo hide shirt, threw his blanket over his shoulders, and set off to climb the pinnacle. When he reached the top, he stood on the rim of the world. He could see forever, and his heart swelled with pride.

Then he heard a rustle at his feet. Looking down, he saw a snake. Before he could move, the snake spoke. "I am about to die," said the snake. "It is too cold up here and there is no food. Put me under your coat and take me down to the valley."

"No," said the youth. "I know your kind. You are a rattle snake. If I pick you up, you will bite me, and your bite will kill me."

"Not so," said the snake. "I will treat you differently. If you do this for me, I will not harm you."

The youth resisted awhile, but this was a very persuasive snake. At last the youth tucked the snake under his coat and carried it down to the valley. There he laid it down gently. Suddenly the snake coiled, rattled, leaped, and bit him on the leg.

"But you promised," cried the youth!

"You knew what I was when you picked me up," said the snake as it slithered away.


From the 1990 New Era talk by Robert B. Harbertson
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=7663a27ac5eeb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD