The Fern and the Bamboo
One day I decided to quit...my job, my relationship, my spirituality.... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me.
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
"In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. The same in year four.
"Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant.
But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.
"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.
"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.
"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high."
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest, realizing that God will never give up on me. And He will never give up on you.
Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness; bad days give you experiences; both are essential to life.
--Author Unknown
A Love I Never Thought I'd Get To Get To
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Sneak Peek
As many of you know, I love to write. A dream of mine at one point was to write the next Great American Novel; a dream which has eluded me thus far. Life has the strange ability of getting in the way of our dreams if we don't continually pursue them. We must fight for our right to dream or we will simply become just another mediocre member of the masses. Our ability to dream sets us apart from the animals...Well, that and opposable thumbs...
That tangent aside, I have started writing again. Little bits and pieces here and there, moments, scenes that flash into my mind, and the start of a novel that I hope will be my first professionally published project. Here is a sneak peek at something I am currently working on. It is in it's original form; raw and unedited, but it is the most "real" of anything I have ever written.
____________________
Hate. It is such an ugly, vicious, awful word. However, it seemed to be the only one that fit. I knew this moment would come. That unpleasant twist of fate when our paths would cross and I would have to see him again. Living less than a mile and a half away from each other in the same small college town and going to the same school, I was surprised this moment had taken so long to arrive.
I saw him before he saw me. I avoided making eye contact, naively hoping that we would simply slip past each other like strangers on the street, continuing on with our lives as though we had never known one another. We continued to walk toward each other on the sidewalk along 9th street. The moment of recognition was impossible to miss. That loathsome, condescending smile I knew all too well played across his face. My stomach turned as I realized my hopes of simply slipping by unscathed were about to be shattered.
"How's it goin'?" he asked almost mockingly, grinning as though to dismiss all that had happened between us over the past year. I turned to shoulder my way past him without a word. "Wow...Really?...You really are something else. Whatever." came the anticipated comment on my actions. I mouthed the words to myself as he directed them to my back while I continued to walk away. I knew him too well. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, refusing to look back as he walked in the opposite direction. There was no fight in him when it came to me. Even when we were dating he would rather walk away than work out any issues we had. When I was so miserable and broken-hearted that I just couldn't take it anymore, he preferred to simply let me go rather than do what it took to make it work.
His voice at my side surprised me. Instead of shrugging me off and walking away, he had come after me. Not a typical "Jason" thing to do. "What's your problem?" he asked in his very typical "Jason" way. There was always something wrong with me. I always had a problem. I continued to walk, a step or two ahead of him. "Would you just stop for a second?" he demanded, grabbing my arm to ensure I obeyed his request. "Don't. Touch. Me." Venom dripped from each perfectly enunciated word as I turned and shoved him hard in the chest, forcing him to let go of my arm and back away from me. "What the crap, Anna?" Jason snarled. "What part of 'I don't want to know you anymore' don't you understand?" I fought to control the anger seeping in. "I just wanted to talk to you for a second, but obviously that's too much to ask." he retorted. "Unless the words 'I'm sorry for being a selfish, lying jerk for the past year and treating you like a worthless, broken burden and waste of my time' are about to come out of your mouth, don't bother wasting your breath or my time." I spat.
"Wow. You have issues." he said shaking his head. In the span of a second, a flood of remembered words flashed through my mind like an audio track. "You have issues.", "You're messed up, Anna.", "You're ridiculous.", "You're just a stuck up, cocky little girl who expects the world to worship the ground she walks on.", "You're just a spitfire.", "You're just difficult.", "You're too much like your mother and that's not okay.", "I'm sorry I'm not as good at being an asshole as you are.", "You're crazy.", "You're just not my cup of tea.". All the cutting, demeaning things Jason had said to me while we were dating, and after I finally said enough is enough, rushed back to me. I thought of the countless nights I cried myself to sleep over him while we were together and during the eight months since.
"Fine. I have issues. I'm messed up and crazy. I accept it. In fact, I embrace it and thank God for it, if only for the simple fact that my being so broken that my existence makes 'your life difficult, and requires so much energy from you that your brain screams at you to 'stay away', keeps you the hell away from me." I fumed. A year's worth of pain and disappointment started to bubble up from the place I had locked it all away. I couldn't remember ever hating someone as much as I hated Jason at that moment. I have never known anyone as mean, selfish, cold, and cruel as me ex. He made me feel worthless and broken, as though nothing I could ever do would be worthy of a comment as simple as "Good job." or "I'm proud of you.".
"You, of all people..." I started, choked on the anger bubbling up with my words, then tried again. "You are the last person in the world who should be telling anyone they have issues! You, a man so wrapped up and consumed by the most dangerous of all addictions that you are incapable of intimacy with another human being. How dare you look down on me as though I am the broken one!" I could feel myself shaking with rage. Jason looked at me in stunned silence. "I would erase you from my memory if I could." My voice elevated slightly as I took a step toward him. "If I could go back and make it as though I had never known you, I would. I was happy before you. For the first time in a year, I was finally happy again. I had finally found the courage to chase a dream that I had been too afraid to chase before and I loved my life. I was doing well in school, I was getting ready to transfer to BYU, and I loved being a Cadet. Then you came along, like a cancer or disease that infected every aspect of my life. I got the lowest GPA of my College career the semester I dated you. The constant arguing and drama, the hours of having the same discussion over and over again, completely destroyed my overall GPA and ability to transfer to BYU. You turned the thing I loved most, being a Cadet, into something that made me less deserving of being loved. Now, I'm not transferring to the Detachment here because I would rather not be an Officer than have anything good in my life be linked to you in any way. You tainted every good thing I had going for me. Who the hell were you to decide that I wanted all the wrong things and had all the wrong dreams? If I am so unbelievably broken, why did you even date me in the first place?" I was yelling. I had snapped.
I was finally letting go of all the pain and anger that had been bottled up. I took a deep breath and became aware of my surroundings. I had just torn Jason apart on the sidewalk of one of the busiest "foot traffic" streets in Provo. Now I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Jason and I stood staring at each other in silence. As the onlookers who had gathered tried to decide whether to stay or leave before I noticed them.
Jason's face held an expression I had never seen it wear before. Astonishment, like he was seeing me for the first time. I could have continued; the words were practically pouring from my mouth, but I was exhausted and he wasn't worth it. "You are the worst mistake I have ever made and I do not want to even know you anymore. There is nothing good in you for me. There is nothing left here for you to take or break. Leave me alone." I turned and walked away, leaving Jason standing, mouth slightly open, alone on the sidewalk.
______________
This is the first, first draft. Untouched, unedited, unaltered. It was written as I "saw" it play out in my mind. When I go through and make revisions, I'm sure the scene will change a little and it may even work better. Let me know what you think, but please be gentle.
That tangent aside, I have started writing again. Little bits and pieces here and there, moments, scenes that flash into my mind, and the start of a novel that I hope will be my first professionally published project. Here is a sneak peek at something I am currently working on. It is in it's original form; raw and unedited, but it is the most "real" of anything I have ever written.
____________________
Hate. It is such an ugly, vicious, awful word. However, it seemed to be the only one that fit. I knew this moment would come. That unpleasant twist of fate when our paths would cross and I would have to see him again. Living less than a mile and a half away from each other in the same small college town and going to the same school, I was surprised this moment had taken so long to arrive.
I saw him before he saw me. I avoided making eye contact, naively hoping that we would simply slip past each other like strangers on the street, continuing on with our lives as though we had never known one another. We continued to walk toward each other on the sidewalk along 9th street. The moment of recognition was impossible to miss. That loathsome, condescending smile I knew all too well played across his face. My stomach turned as I realized my hopes of simply slipping by unscathed were about to be shattered.
"How's it goin'?" he asked almost mockingly, grinning as though to dismiss all that had happened between us over the past year. I turned to shoulder my way past him without a word. "Wow...Really?...You really are something else. Whatever." came the anticipated comment on my actions. I mouthed the words to myself as he directed them to my back while I continued to walk away. I knew him too well. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, refusing to look back as he walked in the opposite direction. There was no fight in him when it came to me. Even when we were dating he would rather walk away than work out any issues we had. When I was so miserable and broken-hearted that I just couldn't take it anymore, he preferred to simply let me go rather than do what it took to make it work.
His voice at my side surprised me. Instead of shrugging me off and walking away, he had come after me. Not a typical "Jason" thing to do. "What's your problem?" he asked in his very typical "Jason" way. There was always something wrong with me. I always had a problem. I continued to walk, a step or two ahead of him. "Would you just stop for a second?" he demanded, grabbing my arm to ensure I obeyed his request. "Don't. Touch. Me." Venom dripped from each perfectly enunciated word as I turned and shoved him hard in the chest, forcing him to let go of my arm and back away from me. "What the crap, Anna?" Jason snarled. "What part of 'I don't want to know you anymore' don't you understand?" I fought to control the anger seeping in. "I just wanted to talk to you for a second, but obviously that's too much to ask." he retorted. "Unless the words 'I'm sorry for being a selfish, lying jerk for the past year and treating you like a worthless, broken burden and waste of my time' are about to come out of your mouth, don't bother wasting your breath or my time." I spat.
"Wow. You have issues." he said shaking his head. In the span of a second, a flood of remembered words flashed through my mind like an audio track. "You have issues.", "You're messed up, Anna.", "You're ridiculous.", "You're just a stuck up, cocky little girl who expects the world to worship the ground she walks on.", "You're just a spitfire.", "You're just difficult.", "You're too much like your mother and that's not okay.", "I'm sorry I'm not as good at being an asshole as you are.", "You're crazy.", "You're just not my cup of tea.". All the cutting, demeaning things Jason had said to me while we were dating, and after I finally said enough is enough, rushed back to me. I thought of the countless nights I cried myself to sleep over him while we were together and during the eight months since.
"Fine. I have issues. I'm messed up and crazy. I accept it. In fact, I embrace it and thank God for it, if only for the simple fact that my being so broken that my existence makes 'your life difficult, and requires so much energy from you that your brain screams at you to 'stay away', keeps you the hell away from me." I fumed. A year's worth of pain and disappointment started to bubble up from the place I had locked it all away. I couldn't remember ever hating someone as much as I hated Jason at that moment. I have never known anyone as mean, selfish, cold, and cruel as me ex. He made me feel worthless and broken, as though nothing I could ever do would be worthy of a comment as simple as "Good job." or "I'm proud of you.".
"You, of all people..." I started, choked on the anger bubbling up with my words, then tried again. "You are the last person in the world who should be telling anyone they have issues! You, a man so wrapped up and consumed by the most dangerous of all addictions that you are incapable of intimacy with another human being. How dare you look down on me as though I am the broken one!" I could feel myself shaking with rage. Jason looked at me in stunned silence. "I would erase you from my memory if I could." My voice elevated slightly as I took a step toward him. "If I could go back and make it as though I had never known you, I would. I was happy before you. For the first time in a year, I was finally happy again. I had finally found the courage to chase a dream that I had been too afraid to chase before and I loved my life. I was doing well in school, I was getting ready to transfer to BYU, and I loved being a Cadet. Then you came along, like a cancer or disease that infected every aspect of my life. I got the lowest GPA of my College career the semester I dated you. The constant arguing and drama, the hours of having the same discussion over and over again, completely destroyed my overall GPA and ability to transfer to BYU. You turned the thing I loved most, being a Cadet, into something that made me less deserving of being loved. Now, I'm not transferring to the Detachment here because I would rather not be an Officer than have anything good in my life be linked to you in any way. You tainted every good thing I had going for me. Who the hell were you to decide that I wanted all the wrong things and had all the wrong dreams? If I am so unbelievably broken, why did you even date me in the first place?" I was yelling. I had snapped.
I was finally letting go of all the pain and anger that had been bottled up. I took a deep breath and became aware of my surroundings. I had just torn Jason apart on the sidewalk of one of the busiest "foot traffic" streets in Provo. Now I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Jason and I stood staring at each other in silence. As the onlookers who had gathered tried to decide whether to stay or leave before I noticed them.
Jason's face held an expression I had never seen it wear before. Astonishment, like he was seeing me for the first time. I could have continued; the words were practically pouring from my mouth, but I was exhausted and he wasn't worth it. "You are the worst mistake I have ever made and I do not want to even know you anymore. There is nothing good in you for me. There is nothing left here for you to take or break. Leave me alone." I turned and walked away, leaving Jason standing, mouth slightly open, alone on the sidewalk.
______________
This is the first, first draft. Untouched, unedited, unaltered. It was written as I "saw" it play out in my mind. When I go through and make revisions, I'm sure the scene will change a little and it may even work better. Let me know what you think, but please be gentle.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
45 Life Lessons
A friend of mine emailed this list to me. I liked it so much that I wanted to share it with everyone.
It is time for this one to go around again…her wisdom is great.
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio ..
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more":
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
#38 is my personal favorite. :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sharing The Love
My cousin Sara is amazing. She has a cooking blog (Our Best Bites) that some of you may have heard of. If you haven't checked it out, you need to. There are recipes for everything you could ever possible think to make and then some. You will find yourself wanting to cook or bake things you had never considered cooking or baking before.
Sara and her "co-blogger" Kate just competed in the Better Homes and Garden Blogger Cook-off. (That's how legit my cousin is.) They were invited to compete against 4 other bloggers nation wide...which means my cousin is recognized as one of the nation's leading food bloggers. (I want to be just like Sara when I grow up.)
If you enjoy cooking in the least, or even if you loathe cooking with a passion, check out Sara's blog and share the love with your friends and family. I promise you won't regret it. :)
Sara and her "co-blogger" Kate just competed in the Better Homes and Garden Blogger Cook-off. (That's how legit my cousin is.) They were invited to compete against 4 other bloggers nation wide...which means my cousin is recognized as one of the nation's leading food bloggers. (I want to be just like Sara when I grow up.)
If you enjoy cooking in the least, or even if you loathe cooking with a passion, check out Sara's blog and share the love with your friends and family. I promise you won't regret it. :)
Friday, October 8, 2010
Sometimes, Crying In The Shower Is All You Need
Life has a way of beating you up, tearing you down, and wearing you out. The past year has been a rough one and I'll be the first to admit that I probably could have handled some of the ups and downs a little better. In my defense, when your heart aches all the time and that feeling of emptiness just won't go away, the best way to handle a situation isn't always the first answer we turn to. Sometimes we do the first thing we can think of to make the pain go away. We cut people out of our lives, we make hasty decisions, we lose things that matter to us, and we grieve in our own way. For me, I pretend to be okay. I hold it together the best I can then fall apart in private...when I can...sometimes holding it together is more than you can handle.I came across an article entitled "Breaking up: Tips to Get Over A Break Up or Romantic Loss" By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway. At first, the thought of crying as a way of healing seemed a little bit off to me. I mean, how does falling apart and becoming a sobbing mess help anything? Then it started to make some sense. Have you ever noticed how when life is particularly rough, all you want to do is cry? I've heard lots of people say that they feel so much better after having a good cry. Girls get together and make a full blown event of it.
I wanted to share the part of the article I found most interesting:
"There is only one way I know of to get to the other side of the pain...crying. There will be many times daily that you will have to hold it together and pretend you are fine, but for the sake of healing your broken heart, be sure to set aside time every day to cry like a baby! Here are a few ways to encourage crying out those healing tears:
1. Crying in the shower
The shower is like a temple to tears. It is already filled with water. It is refreshing, cleansing and revitalizing. The shower knows no difference between your tears and itself, so there is a blending of waters that is very healing.
2. Crying over Sad Movies
Rent the saddest movies you know and those you've heard about. Watch movies about breaking up and break downs in relationships. There is something oddly comforting in watching someone else going through what you are feeling. They act out your inner most agonies and fears; they feel tortured and restless, they find release and solace, they find resolution and healing.
3. Listen to Music that Makes You Cry Your Eyes Out
Another way to bring up some of the pain buried deep inside is through music. The sadness of Mary Magdalene hangs heavy in popular songs, such as, "If I could See You One More Time" from the Message in a Bottle sound track; "If I Could," performed by Barbara Streisand; and "My Heart Will Go On" hauntingly sung by Celine Dion.
Grieving the end of a relationship is a natural stepping-stone in healing a wounded heart. But be assured, at some point your grief and heartache will transform itself into surviving a broken heart, and ultimately with (some introspection and reflection) into transcending it. But for now, just let go and cry."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After reading the article, I believe that it applies to any situation where heartbreak, disappointment, and loss are a factor. We all know that love isn't the only thing that hurts to lose. We grieve over failures, loss of family members, trials, and dozens of other heartbreak worthy situations.
It's been a particularly rough week and a couple days ago I found myself consumed by the grief of everything that has been going wrong. I woke up overwhelmed and distraught over the hand life has dealt me at this particular moment. The pain was excruciating and I found myself struggling to hold it together. I got into the shower to get ready for my day and as the hot water started to relax the tense muscles in my back, the tears started to flow. Tears of frustration, grief, love, fear, loneliness, stress, doubt, and a handful of other emotions that I had been suppressing. I cried over a boy who had treated me badly and let me down, leaving me feeling worthless. I cried over the disappointment of watching a dream slip through my fingers and all the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's". I cried over the fear of what the next couple months are going to bring with the loss of my condo and the uncertainty of how I was going to accomplish my goals. I cried over feeling alone and defeated.
The sudden rush of emotions was painful and consuming. My heart hurt, I felt cold despite the hot water, and I finally felt everything I had tried to avoid feeling. When all my tears had mixed with the water rushing down the drain and there was nothing left, a feeling of peace settled and hope that I would be okay filled the hole left by the pain I had washed away.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”~ Washington Irving
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Lesson From A Dear Friend
Me
*Jason* bailed on me this weekend...again
2:02pmColin
What?
2:02pmMe
I was in Provo
We were supposed to get together
And he was supposed to go to Conference with me
He completely bailed on me
2:02pmColin
And you are attempting to hang out with him, why?
2:03pmMe
I told him I was done and he just said "Okay...it makes sense"
I deleted his phone number from my phone
He sent me a text saying "I'm sorry.."
I didn't respond and he made his status "I'm glad that's over..."
I may punch him when I see him in the detachment next semester
2:05pmColin
For you, associating with *Jason* is like getting burned, and it hurting you badly, yet still playing with fire because you like it even though the burns will only get worse.
So I am glad that you are throwing away the match book with his number written on it]
2:07pmMe
I have cried and cried and cried for 3 days
2:08pmColin
I have been wallowing in deep depression, stress and anxiety so you should know that misery loves company and you are in good company.
2:08pmMe
:(
I was a sobbing mess this morning
Emotional pain and I just don't get along
2:10pmColin
I am very sorry that you are so heart broken but you really need to just let him go. You deserve a MAN not a sissy little boy like *Jason*. You should have some one who loves you and adores you and will do anything and everything in their power to make sure that you never feel the way you did this morning or at anytime during this grieving period you have experienced for love lost.
2:13pmColin
I completely understand where you are coming from. I also don't handle negative emotions very well. I have a broken knuckle on my right hand that is now becoming severely arthritic due to my inability to cope with a rush of negative emtions in a correct way and punched something, snapping it like a twig and scarring my hand for life. I have cried with the best of them and wallowed in self pity until I nearly drowned myself in my own tears, but there comes a time when you just have to say "No More!"
2:14pmColin
I am not going to take this anymore, I am not going to be with some one or even around people that make me feel this way and I am going to pick myself up and dust myself off and gather what ever parts of me are broken and fix them.
2:16pmColin
I am going to build myself better, stronger, and faster than I was. I am going to laugh harder and love more. I am going to find myself and never let go of who I am and who I want to be. I am going to wash in the spirit if the Lord and remove all the ick that I have allowed to seep into my life and become the change in the world that I want to see.
2:19pmColin
Love is a many splended thing, but the opposite of Love is not HATE, it is indifference. When you love someone, you unknowingly and unwittingly allow them slight dominion over you. Their ideas and thoughts influence you in ways that no one else's will, so in effect the have control over you. So does Hate, it can do all the same things to a person that Love can just in the negative. When you Love someone, you will try to move mountains for them. When you hate them, you will try to move mountains on top of them.
2:21pmColin
Yet, when you become indifferent you are able to let go all the feelings you have, good and bad, and just be you again. You call the shot as to who you are and what you think. =You no longer are influenced by them or their actions because you just don't care who they are, what they think, who they hang out with or what they do. That is where you should strive to be.
2:23pmMe
As I sit here fighting the tears, all I can think is "Wow! Can I borrow that for my blog?"
lol
I'm such a dork
Friday, September 10, 2010
Mirrors
"Did you ever go out to the fun house to play and look at the mirrors?
They bend up your face and widen your waist and alter the shape of your hair.
In one place you're as huge as a hot hair balloon and another as thin as a stick.
At first you're as slim as a telephone pole and everywhere else you are thick.
Some people are mirrors reflecting to us an image we really are not.
If we think that those mirrors are telling the truth, we've been blinded to all that we've got.
Some say that we're onry or stupid or weird, some say that we're stuck up or fat.
But in others real view is a reflection of you that doesn't have any of that.
Who are the best mirrors that you and I have? Who gives a reflection that's true?
Who sees us for all that's hidden inside? Father in Heaven that's who.
You've also got teachers and parents and friends whose reflections are true and correct.
When Peers say you're homely or hotty or dumb, God says you're my child, you're elect.
So get out some paper and pick up a pen and write down what others may say,
Then turn over and fill it with things the Lord and Prophets convey.
On one side you'll have all that others have said, some are true, some are hard to conceive.
Then turn to God's side and ask yourself "Which side am I going to believe?"
~John Bytheway
Throughout our lives we are given all sorts of labels. These labels are given to us by people who may or may not know us well enough to make a judgment, but feel they have some sort of right to try to define us. In my short 25 years of life, I have received many different labels; some uplifting and encouraging, others painful and demeaning, and some completely contradictory. I have been labeled as smart, stupid, amazing, beautiful, difficult, fat, fun, soulless, the nicest person in the world, crazy, determined, spitfire, "hott", emotionless, compassionate, selfish, sweet, motivated, lazy, funny, independent, stubborn, gorgeous, talented, blunt, empathetic, evil, cold, delicious, stuck up, cocky, cute, wonderful, and the list goes on and on.
What we call each other becomes what we think of each other, and it matters. As children of God, we need to be careful not only how we try to define others, but also how we allow the opinions and labels of others to affect the way we view ourselves. In a world where we are constantly told what's wrong with us and that we're somehow lacking, we need to remember that these opinions hold no value. Our worth is not determined by how others view us.
In Max Lucado's "You Are Special", we are reminded that God's opinion of us is more important than the opinions of those around us. "You are special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."
We are all children of God, therefore we are each of incomprehensible worth. The world will beat us up. People we love will say hurtful things. People we've never met will pass judgment based solely on our appearance. We need to make sure that we reflect the truth when dealing with others. Are you a fun house mirror that distorts the reflections of those who look to you, making it difficult for them to see who they are? Or are you a true mirror, someone who shows others who they truly are and allows them to see themselves the way our Heavenly Father sees them?
They bend up your face and widen your waist and alter the shape of your hair.
In one place you're as huge as a hot hair balloon and another as thin as a stick.
At first you're as slim as a telephone pole and everywhere else you are thick.
Some people are mirrors reflecting to us an image we really are not.
If we think that those mirrors are telling the truth, we've been blinded to all that we've got.
Some say that we're onry or stupid or weird, some say that we're stuck up or fat.
But in others real view is a reflection of you that doesn't have any of that.
Who are the best mirrors that you and I have? Who gives a reflection that's true?
Who sees us for all that's hidden inside? Father in Heaven that's who.
You've also got teachers and parents and friends whose reflections are true and correct.
When Peers say you're homely or hotty or dumb, God says you're my child, you're elect.
So get out some paper and pick up a pen and write down what others may say,
Then turn over and fill it with things the Lord and Prophets convey.
On one side you'll have all that others have said, some are true, some are hard to conceive.
Then turn to God's side and ask yourself "Which side am I going to believe?"
~John Bytheway
Throughout our lives we are given all sorts of labels. These labels are given to us by people who may or may not know us well enough to make a judgment, but feel they have some sort of right to try to define us. In my short 25 years of life, I have received many different labels; some uplifting and encouraging, others painful and demeaning, and some completely contradictory. I have been labeled as smart, stupid, amazing, beautiful, difficult, fat, fun, soulless, the nicest person in the world, crazy, determined, spitfire, "hott", emotionless, compassionate, selfish, sweet, motivated, lazy, funny, independent, stubborn, gorgeous, talented, blunt, empathetic, evil, cold, delicious, stuck up, cocky, cute, wonderful, and the list goes on and on.
What we call each other becomes what we think of each other, and it matters. As children of God, we need to be careful not only how we try to define others, but also how we allow the opinions and labels of others to affect the way we view ourselves. In a world where we are constantly told what's wrong with us and that we're somehow lacking, we need to remember that these opinions hold no value. Our worth is not determined by how others view us.
In Max Lucado's "You Are Special", we are reminded that God's opinion of us is more important than the opinions of those around us. "You are special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."
We are all children of God, therefore we are each of incomprehensible worth. The world will beat us up. People we love will say hurtful things. People we've never met will pass judgment based solely on our appearance. We need to make sure that we reflect the truth when dealing with others. Are you a fun house mirror that distorts the reflections of those who look to you, making it difficult for them to see who they are? Or are you a true mirror, someone who shows others who they truly are and allows them to see themselves the way our Heavenly Father sees them?
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I Knew What You Were When I Picked You Up
We all do things we know we shouldn't, then wonder why we suffer so much when the consequences follow.
But You Promised!
As Told By Iron Eyes Cody
Many years ago Indian braves would go away in solitude to prepare for manhood. One hiked into a beautiful valley, green with trees and bright with flowers. There as he looked up at the surrounding mountains, he noticed a rugged peak capped with dazzling snow.
"I will test myself against that mountain," he thought. He put on his buffalo hide shirt, threw his blanket over his shoulders, and set off to climb the pinnacle. When he reached the top, he stood on the rim of the world. He could see forever, and his heart swelled with pride.
Then he heard a rustle at his feet. Looking down, he saw a snake. Before he could move, the snake spoke. "I am about to die," said the snake. "It is too cold up here and there is no food. Put me under your coat and take me down to the valley."
"No," said the youth. "I know your kind. You are a rattle snake. If I pick you up, you will bite me, and your bite will kill me."
"Not so," said the snake. "I will treat you differently. If you do this for me, I will not harm you."
The youth resisted awhile, but this was a very persuasive snake. At last the youth tucked the snake under his coat and carried it down to the valley. There he laid it down gently. Suddenly the snake coiled, rattled, leaped, and bit him on the leg.
"But you promised," cried the youth!
"You knew what I was when you picked me up," said the snake as it slithered away.
From the 1990 New Era talk by Robert B. Harbertson
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=7663a27ac5eeb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
But You Promised!
As Told By Iron Eyes Cody
Many years ago Indian braves would go away in solitude to prepare for manhood. One hiked into a beautiful valley, green with trees and bright with flowers. There as he looked up at the surrounding mountains, he noticed a rugged peak capped with dazzling snow.
"I will test myself against that mountain," he thought. He put on his buffalo hide shirt, threw his blanket over his shoulders, and set off to climb the pinnacle. When he reached the top, he stood on the rim of the world. He could see forever, and his heart swelled with pride.
Then he heard a rustle at his feet. Looking down, he saw a snake. Before he could move, the snake spoke. "I am about to die," said the snake. "It is too cold up here and there is no food. Put me under your coat and take me down to the valley."
"No," said the youth. "I know your kind. You are a rattle snake. If I pick you up, you will bite me, and your bite will kill me."
"Not so," said the snake. "I will treat you differently. If you do this for me, I will not harm you."
The youth resisted awhile, but this was a very persuasive snake. At last the youth tucked the snake under his coat and carried it down to the valley. There he laid it down gently. Suddenly the snake coiled, rattled, leaped, and bit him on the leg.
"But you promised," cried the youth!
"You knew what I was when you picked me up," said the snake as it slithered away.
From the 1990 New Era talk by Robert B. Harbertson
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=7663a27ac5eeb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
Friday, September 3, 2010
Favorite Quotes
I am a collector of quotes, as you can tell from my previous post. Quotes are wonderful pearls of wisdom that can comfort the brokenhearted, uplift the disappointed, and inspire the great to be even greater.
Here are a couple of my favorite quotes about love:
“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." ~ Morrie Schwartz
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
I absolutely love this one:
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. ~Jonathan Carroll, "Outside the Dog Museum" :D
“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.”
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”~ Washington Irving
My personal favorite at the moment:
"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE"
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
Neil Gaiman quotes
I was once told that "love" is action word; it causes people to "do". When someone is in love they do things that they normally wouldn't do otherwise. When a man truly loves a woman, he will move Heaven and Earth to be with her. I'll continue to add to this post as I come across quotes I like. Some will be ridiculously sappy and others, I'm sure, will be like the one above. What are some of you favorite quotes?
Here are a couple of my favorite quotes about love:
“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." ~ Morrie Schwartz
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
I absolutely love this one:
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. ~Jonathan Carroll, "Outside the Dog Museum" :D
“It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp.”
“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.”
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”~ Washington Irving
My personal favorite at the moment:
"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE"
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
Neil Gaiman quotesI was once told that "love" is action word; it causes people to "do". When someone is in love they do things that they normally wouldn't do otherwise. When a man truly loves a woman, he will move Heaven and Earth to be with her. I'll continue to add to this post as I come across quotes I like. Some will be ridiculously sappy and others, I'm sure, will be like the one above. What are some of you favorite quotes?
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Words To Live By
The past couple days have been rather interesting for me. I have been working for an exhibitor at the Women's Wear In Nevada trade show. I have been modeling and selling dresses from a clothing line out of New York called Raiment Fashions. The cutest 65 year old woman from India owns the line. Today during a lull in the show we started talking about life and the different things that happen to us as we get older. Mrs. Puri gave me some really great advice that I just have to share.
"You have to be very tactful in life to be successful in life."
"When life has a little pain or a little anything, remember there's something good behind it."
"Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn, seasons never stay forever so happiness and unhappiness doesn't stay forever. If you can stay steady through the happiness and unhappiness then you have conquered yourself. So if unhappiness comes, remember happiness isn't far away."
"Don't run after something you don't have and may never have. You'll keep running and and it'll keep moving forward. Enjoy what you have right now otherwise you won't enjoy right now and the future will never be in your hand."
"Let it come as it comes. The God who gives you life will take care of you. You just keep working, doing your best. Don't fight against it."
"The music of life is never without a chord of pain."
"If you think life is going to be smooth, you're absolutely wrong."
"Once you show peace of mind and contentment you'll have the whole world eating out of your hand."
"Stop expecting anything in life. You'll always get disappointed."
"Just keep thinking 'If it's mine it'll come but I'll do my work to collect it. If I get it, fine. If I don't, fine. It'll all be okay."
"Every day is a learning experience. The day you stop learning is the day you stop living."
"Never reply immediately. Always say 'Let me think. I'll let you know'. "
"Give it time. If you're angry you have to get it out of your system so write it down on a piece of paper and read it in 2 days. You'll see what a foolish thing you wrote."
"Be content with yourself and remember you're your best friend. You can make yourself happy or you can make yourself miserable."
"Life is a boomerang. If you give love you get love. If you throw a dish you'll get a dish thrown back at you."
After a couple minutes of discussing life, Mrs. Puri decided to shower pearls of wisdom upon me in the form of relationship advice. Since she's been married for over 40 years she felt she had adequate experience to be giving out advice on the matter.
"Why are you banging your head against the wall? Stay away from the wall. Let things fall on their own. By banging your head on the wall you're not going to get anything except pain."
"Love is not a measuring cup."
"You might fight each other, bash each other's heads, but never walk out on each other."
"You're not perfect. Why are you expecting the other person to be perfect?"
"In this country it's "I, I, I". Why not 'We, we, we"? We are one."
"Compromise is the key to a good relationship."
"Why are you talking about material things? Make it about love."
"Accept them as they are. Don't try to change them. Change yourself."
"You have to work things out. Communication is the most important thing."
"Love is like war and peace. When 2 countries get together they have to work things out. Be a diplomat."
"Stop thinking about 'He isn't thinking about me' or 'He doesn't miss me'. You're just punishing yourself. Be happy. Be your own best friend. Don't think 'He's not doing this so I'm not going to talk to him'. You're punishing yourself again. If you want to call him, call him. Be happy and he will get the vibes and he will follow."
"You like him, you have to be tactful and work around it."
"Change their thinking. Be strong in your character."
"When you do get married and you have children you might fight in front of the children. That's natural but never let the child talk back to you or your husband."
"No matter how wrong your husband is, never tell him in front of your children. That's the biggest mistake you'll make."
"Give your children unconditional love. Always tell them 'I love you' no matter what comes."
"You can go through good times and bad times but never walk out on each other."
"If he doesn't treat you right then he doesn't deserve you. Maybe there's another Mr. Right out there for you. If he's yours he'll come back, if he's not he won't."
I think some of this advice is helpful to just about anyone. We can all learn from those who have lived and gone through all of life's great experiences.
"You have to be very tactful in life to be successful in life."
"When life has a little pain or a little anything, remember there's something good behind it."
"Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn, seasons never stay forever so happiness and unhappiness doesn't stay forever. If you can stay steady through the happiness and unhappiness then you have conquered yourself. So if unhappiness comes, remember happiness isn't far away."
"Don't run after something you don't have and may never have. You'll keep running and and it'll keep moving forward. Enjoy what you have right now otherwise you won't enjoy right now and the future will never be in your hand."
"Let it come as it comes. The God who gives you life will take care of you. You just keep working, doing your best. Don't fight against it."
"The music of life is never without a chord of pain."
"If you think life is going to be smooth, you're absolutely wrong."
"Once you show peace of mind and contentment you'll have the whole world eating out of your hand."
"Stop expecting anything in life. You'll always get disappointed."
"Just keep thinking 'If it's mine it'll come but I'll do my work to collect it. If I get it, fine. If I don't, fine. It'll all be okay."
"Every day is a learning experience. The day you stop learning is the day you stop living."
"Never reply immediately. Always say 'Let me think. I'll let you know'. "
"Give it time. If you're angry you have to get it out of your system so write it down on a piece of paper and read it in 2 days. You'll see what a foolish thing you wrote."
"Be content with yourself and remember you're your best friend. You can make yourself happy or you can make yourself miserable."
"Life is a boomerang. If you give love you get love. If you throw a dish you'll get a dish thrown back at you."
After a couple minutes of discussing life, Mrs. Puri decided to shower pearls of wisdom upon me in the form of relationship advice. Since she's been married for over 40 years she felt she had adequate experience to be giving out advice on the matter.
"Why are you banging your head against the wall? Stay away from the wall. Let things fall on their own. By banging your head on the wall you're not going to get anything except pain."
"Love is not a measuring cup."
"You might fight each other, bash each other's heads, but never walk out on each other."
"You're not perfect. Why are you expecting the other person to be perfect?"
"In this country it's "I, I, I". Why not 'We, we, we"? We are one."
"Compromise is the key to a good relationship."
"Why are you talking about material things? Make it about love."
"Accept them as they are. Don't try to change them. Change yourself."
"You have to work things out. Communication is the most important thing."
"Love is like war and peace. When 2 countries get together they have to work things out. Be a diplomat."
"Stop thinking about 'He isn't thinking about me' or 'He doesn't miss me'. You're just punishing yourself. Be happy. Be your own best friend. Don't think 'He's not doing this so I'm not going to talk to him'. You're punishing yourself again. If you want to call him, call him. Be happy and he will get the vibes and he will follow."
"You like him, you have to be tactful and work around it."
"Change their thinking. Be strong in your character."
"When you do get married and you have children you might fight in front of the children. That's natural but never let the child talk back to you or your husband."
"No matter how wrong your husband is, never tell him in front of your children. That's the biggest mistake you'll make."
"Give your children unconditional love. Always tell them 'I love you' no matter what comes."
"You can go through good times and bad times but never walk out on each other."
"If he doesn't treat you right then he doesn't deserve you. Maybe there's another Mr. Right out there for you. If he's yours he'll come back, if he's not he won't."
I think some of this advice is helpful to just about anyone. We can all learn from those who have lived and gone through all of life's great experiences.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Love Remembers
You can forget what love was wearing when it walked out your front door, where you fell down to your knees. You can forget the kind of suitcase that was packed out on the sidewalk while you cried there begging please, but love remembers...Love remembers the smell of a summer day, lying in a hammock over fresh cut grass, and the promise of forever...Love remembers the sound of a pouring rain beating down on the top of the car on the side of the road where it cut away...
Craig Morgan has an amazing voice and his songs seem to say it just right. This song rings true for everyone who has ever been in a relationship that has come to an end. Of course, what love remembers is different for each of us. For me, love remembers airport terminals, turning to see him walking toward me in his BDUs, being picked up, spun around, then kissed for everyone to see, the smell of snow, horseback riding on a clear winter morning, the plans we made, the feel of his fingertips on my face, the rumble of an old beloved rusted truck, the taste of his kiss, watching him get ready for work and being so proud of him as he stood there in uniform, driving around base and seeing his world, daisies, smelling his cologne as I drifted off to sleep wearing his sweatshirt, the oddest chocolate cake I have ever made, and being thrown over his shoulder and carried across a parkling lot.
Why is it that love never remembers the fighting, anger, tears, stress, frustration and hurt that culminated in the end of the relationship? Why doesn't love remember all the awful things that were said and the hurtful things that were done? Why can't love remember all the things that happened when it was over that made you glad they were gone? Why won't love remember that you shouldn't miss them?
What does love remember for you?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Passive-Agressive Traits-Living With The Passive-Agressive Man
I recently got into a debate over what behaviors are considered Passive-Aggressive. I decided to look it up as to eliminate the cause for debate. I thought I would share what I found.
This is the "condensed" version. For the expanded version please see Dr. Wetzler's book, pages 35-37......
*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.
*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.
*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.
*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.
*FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.
*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.
*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.
*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.
*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.
*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.
*SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.
A passive-aggressive man won't have every single one of these traits, but he'll have many of them. He may have other traits as well, which are not passive-aggressive.
You Sir, are Passive-Agressive. End of Debate.
This is the "condensed" version. For the expanded version please see Dr. Wetzler's book, pages 35-37......
*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.
*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.
*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.
*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.
*FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.
*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.
*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.
*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.
*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.
*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.
*SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.
A passive-aggressive man won't have every single one of these traits, but he'll have many of them. He may have other traits as well, which are not passive-aggressive.
You Sir, are Passive-Agressive. End of Debate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)