Take Courage

The Fern and the Bamboo

One day I decided to quit...my job, my relationship, my spirituality.... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me.

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

"In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. The same in year four.

"Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.


"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high."

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest, realizing that God will never give up on me. And He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness; bad days give you experiences; both are essential to life.

--Author Unknown

Sneak Peek

As many of you know, I love to write. A dream of mine at one point was to write the next Great American Novel; a dream which has eluded me thus far. Life has the strange ability of getting in the way of our dreams if we don't continually pursue them. We must fight for our right to dream or we will simply become just another mediocre member of the masses. Our ability to dream sets us apart from the animals...Well, that and opposable thumbs...

That tangent aside, I have started writing again. Little bits and pieces here and there, moments, scenes that flash into my mind, and the start of a novel that I hope will be my first professionally published project. Here is a sneak peek at something I am currently working on. It is in it's original form; raw and unedited, but it is the most "real" of anything I have ever written.

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Hate. It is such an ugly, vicious, awful word. However, it seemed to be the only one that fit. I knew this moment would come. That unpleasant twist of fate when our paths would cross and I would have to see him again. Living less than a mile and a half away from each other in the same small college town and going to the same school, I was surprised this moment had taken so long to arrive.

I saw him before he saw me. I avoided making eye contact, naively hoping that we would simply slip past each other like strangers on the street, continuing on with our lives as though we had never known one another. We continued to walk toward each other on the sidewalk along 9th street. The moment of recognition was impossible to miss. That loathsome, condescending smile I knew all too well played across his face. My stomach turned as I realized my hopes of simply slipping by unscathed were about to be shattered.

"How's it goin'?" he asked almost mockingly, grinning as though to dismiss all that had happened between us over the past year. I turned to shoulder my way past him without a word. "Wow...Really?...You really are something else. Whatever." came the anticipated comment on my actions. I mouthed the words to myself as he directed them to my back while I continued to walk away. I knew him too well. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, refusing to look back as he walked in the opposite direction. There was no fight in him when it came to me. Even when we were dating he would rather walk away than work out any issues we had. When I was so miserable and broken-hearted that I just couldn't take it anymore, he preferred to simply let me go rather than do what it took to make it work.

His voice at my side surprised me. Instead of shrugging me off and walking away, he had come after me. Not a typical "Jason" thing to do. "What's your problem?" he asked in his very typical "Jason" way. There was always something wrong with me. I always had a problem. I continued to walk, a step or two ahead of him. "Would you just stop for a second?" he demanded, grabbing my arm to ensure I obeyed his request. "Don't. Touch. Me." Venom dripped from each perfectly enunciated word as I turned and shoved him hard in the chest, forcing him to let go of my arm and back away from me. "What the crap, Anna?" Jason snarled. "What part of 'I don't want to know you anymore' don't you understand?" I fought to control the anger seeping in. "I just wanted to talk to you for a second, but obviously that's too much to ask." he retorted. "Unless the words 'I'm sorry for being a selfish, lying jerk for the past year and treating you like a worthless, broken burden and waste of my time' are about to come out of your mouth, don't bother wasting your breath or my time." I spat.

"Wow. You have issues." he said shaking his head. In the span of a second, a flood of remembered words flashed through my mind like an audio track. "You have issues.", "You're messed up, Anna.", "You're ridiculous.", "You're just a stuck up, cocky little girl who expects the world to worship the ground she walks on.", "You're just a spitfire.", "You're just difficult.", "You're too much like your mother and that's not okay.", "I'm sorry I'm not as good at being an asshole as you are.", "You're crazy.", "You're just not my cup of tea.". All the cutting, demeaning things Jason had said to me while we were dating, and after I finally said enough is enough, rushed back to me. I thought of the countless nights I cried myself to sleep over him while we were together and during the eight months since.

"Fine. I have issues. I'm messed up and crazy. I accept it. In fact, I embrace it and thank God for it, if only for the simple fact that my being so broken that my existence makes 'your life difficult, and requires so much energy from you that your brain screams at you to 'stay away', keeps you the hell away from me." I fumed. A year's worth of pain and disappointment started to bubble up from the place I had locked it all away. I couldn't remember ever hating someone as much as I hated Jason at that moment. I have never known anyone as mean, selfish, cold, and cruel as me ex. He made me feel worthless and broken, as though nothing I could ever do would be worthy of a comment as simple as "Good job." or "I'm proud of you.".

"You, of all people..." I started, choked on the anger bubbling up with my words, then tried again. "You are the last person in the world who should be telling anyone they have issues! You, a man so wrapped up and consumed by the most dangerous of all addictions that you are incapable of intimacy with another human being. How dare you look down on me as though I am the broken one!" I could feel myself shaking with rage. Jason looked at me in stunned silence. "I would erase you from my memory if I could." My voice elevated slightly as I took a step toward him. "If I could go back and make it as though I had never known you, I would. I was happy before you. For the first time in a year, I was finally happy again. I had finally found the courage to chase a dream that I had been too afraid to chase before and I loved my life. I was doing well in school, I was getting ready to transfer to BYU, and I loved being a Cadet. Then you came along, like a cancer or disease that infected every aspect of my life. I got the lowest GPA of my College career the semester I dated you. The constant arguing and drama, the hours of having the same discussion over and over again, completely destroyed my overall GPA and ability to transfer to BYU. You turned the thing I loved most, being a Cadet, into something that made me less deserving of being loved. Now, I'm not transferring to the Detachment here because I would rather not be an Officer than have anything good in my life be linked to you in any way. You tainted every good thing I had going for me. Who the hell were you to decide that I wanted all the wrong things and had all the wrong dreams? If I am so unbelievably broken, why did you even date me in the first place?" I was yelling. I had snapped.

I was finally letting go of all the pain and anger that had been bottled up. I took a deep breath and became aware of my surroundings. I had just torn Jason apart on the sidewalk of one of the busiest "foot traffic" streets in Provo. Now I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Jason and I stood staring at each other in silence. As the onlookers who had gathered tried to decide whether to stay or leave before I noticed them.

Jason's face held an expression I had never seen it wear before. Astonishment, like he was seeing me for the first time. I could have continued; the words were practically pouring from my mouth, but I was exhausted and he wasn't worth it. "You are the worst mistake I have ever made and I do not want to even know you anymore. There is nothing good in you for me. There is nothing left here for you to take or break. Leave me alone." I turned and walked away, leaving Jason standing, mouth slightly open, alone on the sidewalk.

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This is the first, first draft. Untouched, unedited, unaltered. It was written as I "saw" it play out in my mind. When I go through and make revisions, I'm sure the scene will change a little and it may even work better. Let me know what you think, but please be gentle.

45 Life Lessons

A friend of mine emailed this list to me. I liked it so much that I wanted to share it with everyone.

It is time for this one to go around again…her wisdom is great.

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio ..

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more":

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

#38 is my personal favorite. :)

Sharing The Love

My cousin Sara is amazing. She has a cooking blog (Our Best Bites) that some of you may have heard of. If you haven't checked it out, you need to. There are recipes for everything you could ever possible think to make and then some. You will find yourself wanting to cook or bake things you had never considered cooking or baking before.



Sara and her "co-blogger" Kate just competed in the Better Homes and Garden Blogger Cook-off. (That's how legit my cousin is.) They were invited to compete against 4 other bloggers nation wide...which means my cousin is recognized as one of the nation's leading food bloggers. (I want to be just like Sara when I grow up.)

If you enjoy cooking in the least, or even if you loathe cooking with a passion, check out Sara's blog and share the love with your friends and family. I promise you won't regret it. :)